Austin Divorce Attorney

From Grieving to Healing – 5 Stages of Recovery

For years, the emotional impact of divorce has been viewed as comparable to the trauma caused by the death of a loved one or close friend. The pain of separation, the grief over a failed relationship, and the crisis of values and identity associated with the dissolution of a marriage are in no way less severe than those associated with bereavement. Modern psychology supports this comparison, and suggests that the 5 stages of psychological healing originally observed following a death in the family are also applicable to the healing process experienced by ex-spouses after a divorce. Understanding these 5 stages is not only beneficial to those going through a divorce, but also to those seeking to help friends or loved ones through such a difficult time.

Stage 1 – Denial

Publicized and sometimes mocked by popular media, the denial phase is nonetheless a very real psychological state of mind born out of a natural reaction to mental trauma – that is, to reject its source. Often, when a couple reaches the brink of divorce – or even during the proceedings themselves – they will feel a strong sense of detachment towards the issue and attempt to ignore and deny it rather than facing it.

Stage 2 – Anger

Perhaps the most stereotypical face of divorce: a once-happy couple raging at each other, heaping blame on each other’s heads, and losing their tempers at the slightest provocation. Sometimes, the anger isn’t even directed at the other spouse, but at God, or the circumstances, or outside factors they cannot control. Many times, well-meaning friends or family who try to help during this stage will become innocent targets for the divorcing couple’s anger and wind up feeling hurt and bitter. If you really intend to help a friend through their divorce, be aware that anger is natural, and don’t take it personally.

Stage 3 – Bargaining

This is the stage when people begin to have second thoughts about their decision. Out of fear, uncertainty, or grief, they begin to offer irrational bargains to try and salvage the relationship. The reality is, however, that any bargains struck during this phase are unlikely to succeed. Attempting to restart the relationship at this point often does more harm than good.

Stage 4 – Depression

At this point, the couple has finally realized that the divorce is coming, and that it is inevitable. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in depression. They feel worthless, helpless, and miserable. As strange as it seems, however, the depression stage is actually the prelude to healing.

Stage 5 – Acceptance

Finally, the couple has worked their way through the emotional maze of divorce and come out on the other side. They realize what has happened and have learned to deal with and accept it. This stage may be a long time in coming, depending on the person – sometimes it may take years before healing is complete.

Do you need legal counsel and support during your divorce proceedings? If so, call 512-472-2431 to speak with an Austin divorce lawyer from the Slater & Kennon law firm today.


Centrally located in the Arboretum area of north Austin, the Slater & Kennon law firm represents clients in Travis County, Bastrop County, Burnet County, Williamson County, and Hays County, including the cities of Austin, San Marcos, Bastrop, Burnet, and Georgetown.